Tuesday, June 15, 2004
If an internet diary was a party I would like to think mine is a soirée. A more sophisticated monologue on ones life and musings whilst sipping on a single-malt whisky, in top hat and cane, ergo using a more complex vocabulary and involves no unsightly shenanigans….
Hello and welcome to another edition of “The Adventures of Inspector Super Matt and his funky side kick Disco Penguin”, or as the less knowledgeable call it “Matt’s Diary”. To be honest the latter makes it sound like a fire-side chat with your great-granddad. Who whilst telling you a story involving himself and the Royal family that may have happened 1958 or may have just been a TV programme he saw; would pull out a packet of his favourite sweets (Wuthers Original of course) and hand them down to you with a warm smile…that you soon discover means he wet himself. Or maybe I’m just reading into it too much.
I get the feeling if my blog was any party it would be more of a drunken binge around the roughest pubs in Ireland and when you get drunk you have a knack for telling offensive jokes about tough Irishmen, and to your surprise many a fist comes towards your face at a high velocity. And when you wake up the next morning you discover that the hot Irish girl you thought you had pulled last night, looks a lot like your uncle Bob in the cold, sober light of the morning. (Which you still manage to laugh off...until you realise it is your Uncle Bob)
Which is a bit pants.
Anyway this is just my standard random ramblings, I should probably get to some vague mentioning of what I’ve been up to lately.
Today I was meant to be going ice skating with some friends. Or at least that’s what had been mentioned yesterday. I distinctly remember mentioning that I would be at work all morning so wouldn’t be free until about 1:00. Only to receive a text saying that they’d organised to go ice skating at 11:00AM. Some people would get the impression their trying to tell me something. Hmmm…
The work before I had my AS level exams, which are now over (huzzah!), I was quite proud of myself as I managed to keep of revising for them until the Sunday, the day before my first exam. A section of my time was then dedicated to cramming all of this years education into my head. Which as you can imagine wasn’t a pretty sight. Important facts such as friends PIN numbers were pushed out of my head, needing to be stolen again. I seemed to be able to remember humorous stories involving Catherine the Great and her love of horses, but nothing of James I foreign policy. Which surprisingly didn’t come in handy.
Talking about handy, I had to go into college yesterday (we have a week off) to get a book we need to read for next year (“The Handmaids Tale” fact fans). As I walked through the corridor during lesson changeover I had by butt nipped repeatedly by a girl. She proceeded to do this even when I turned to look at her and asked her “if everything was ok” which obviously it must have been as she continued to. I did what any man would do in a situation like this, and backed away quickly into the nearest classroom. Some people cough*Suzanne*cough seemed to find this hilarious. I was slightly disturbed. But heh, what can I say? I’m a babe magnet. Shame the girl doing it had more relation to pig of same name.
Parties and alcohol, go together like cheese and pickle, mud and more mud, harry and potter. And lots of theses is what I’ve had lately. Two in the weekend just gone. Which is never a bad thing. Although sometimes my slight drunkenness can lead to some strange conversations,
Me: oh tom I’ve got an idea, I’ve got an idea, come here.
Tom (who is sat next to me): what is it matt?
Me: ok I was thinking, I should get a ticket somewhere, a plane ticket.
Tom: okay…for any particular reason?
Me: to prove you wrong cos you wouldn’t believe me when I said it.
Tom: But this is the first I’ve heard of it.
Me: Oh, how convenient.
Tom: I thought you didn’t have any money at the moment anyway, how would you afford it? And you said you’d come with us to Leeds festival.
Me: hold on I did put some thought into this ok. Now I can probably get a cheap ticket to America or something, right. And if not, some of the people at this party look pretty well off I could always “borrow” it fro…
*Tom turns and starts to back away*
Me: wait, wait, ok, hold on. Ok then. So I get to America and then all you need to do to survive is twist the truth a little right? First you find a kind old couple…
*Tom turns and starts to back away*
Me: hold on there, wait, ok, ok, so you find a rich, kind old coup…
*Tom turns and starts to back away*
Me: wait, ok then I’ll change it for you tom. You find a rich, old couple you have earned their money through evil means….
And so on throughout the night. My main problem seems to be a large dip in correct word order, with phrases such as “And it’s a school that you’d only ever wear to shirt!”. But fun none the less.
I’ll stop my verbal diarrhoea at this point and bid you farewell. And although its not late, I need to get to bed, as it seems I need to get up at 5:00 tomorrow morning for work, as they’ve decided to open the restaurant in the hotel extra early. This lack of logic undermines even my own, so I cannot comprehend it. Though I do normally turn up late and they never seem bothered about it. So maybe I should try it again tomorrow morning.
And remember if at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Hello and welcome to another edition of “The Adventures of Inspector Super Matt and his funky side kick Disco Penguin”, or as the less knowledgeable call it “Matt’s Diary”. To be honest the latter makes it sound like a fire-side chat with your great-granddad. Who whilst telling you a story involving himself and the Royal family that may have happened 1958 or may have just been a TV programme he saw; would pull out a packet of his favourite sweets (Wuthers Original of course) and hand them down to you with a warm smile…that you soon discover means he wet himself. Or maybe I’m just reading into it too much.
I get the feeling if my blog was any party it would be more of a drunken binge around the roughest pubs in Ireland and when you get drunk you have a knack for telling offensive jokes about tough Irishmen, and to your surprise many a fist comes towards your face at a high velocity. And when you wake up the next morning you discover that the hot Irish girl you thought you had pulled last night, looks a lot like your uncle Bob in the cold, sober light of the morning. (Which you still manage to laugh off...until you realise it is your Uncle Bob)
Which is a bit pants.
Anyway this is just my standard random ramblings, I should probably get to some vague mentioning of what I’ve been up to lately.
Today I was meant to be going ice skating with some friends. Or at least that’s what had been mentioned yesterday. I distinctly remember mentioning that I would be at work all morning so wouldn’t be free until about 1:00. Only to receive a text saying that they’d organised to go ice skating at 11:00AM. Some people would get the impression their trying to tell me something. Hmmm…
The work before I had my AS level exams, which are now over (huzzah!), I was quite proud of myself as I managed to keep of revising for them until the Sunday, the day before my first exam. A section of my time was then dedicated to cramming all of this years education into my head. Which as you can imagine wasn’t a pretty sight. Important facts such as friends PIN numbers were pushed out of my head, needing to be stolen again. I seemed to be able to remember humorous stories involving Catherine the Great and her love of horses, but nothing of James I foreign policy. Which surprisingly didn’t come in handy.
Talking about handy, I had to go into college yesterday (we have a week off) to get a book we need to read for next year (“The Handmaids Tale” fact fans). As I walked through the corridor during lesson changeover I had by butt nipped repeatedly by a girl. She proceeded to do this even when I turned to look at her and asked her “if everything was ok” which obviously it must have been as she continued to. I did what any man would do in a situation like this, and backed away quickly into the nearest classroom. Some people cough*Suzanne*cough seemed to find this hilarious. I was slightly disturbed. But heh, what can I say? I’m a babe magnet. Shame the girl doing it had more relation to pig of same name.
Parties and alcohol, go together like cheese and pickle, mud and more mud, harry and potter. And lots of theses is what I’ve had lately. Two in the weekend just gone. Which is never a bad thing. Although sometimes my slight drunkenness can lead to some strange conversations,
Me: oh tom I’ve got an idea, I’ve got an idea, come here.
Tom (who is sat next to me): what is it matt?
Me: ok I was thinking, I should get a ticket somewhere, a plane ticket.
Tom: okay…for any particular reason?
Me: to prove you wrong cos you wouldn’t believe me when I said it.
Tom: But this is the first I’ve heard of it.
Me: Oh, how convenient.
Tom: I thought you didn’t have any money at the moment anyway, how would you afford it? And you said you’d come with us to Leeds festival.
Me: hold on I did put some thought into this ok. Now I can probably get a cheap ticket to America or something, right. And if not, some of the people at this party look pretty well off I could always “borrow” it fro…
*Tom turns and starts to back away*
Me: wait, wait, ok, hold on. Ok then. So I get to America and then all you need to do to survive is twist the truth a little right? First you find a kind old couple…
*Tom turns and starts to back away*
Me: hold on there, wait, ok, ok, so you find a rich, kind old coup…
*Tom turns and starts to back away*
Me: wait, ok then I’ll change it for you tom. You find a rich, old couple you have earned their money through evil means….
And so on throughout the night. My main problem seems to be a large dip in correct word order, with phrases such as “And it’s a school that you’d only ever wear to shirt!”. But fun none the less.
I’ll stop my verbal diarrhoea at this point and bid you farewell. And although its not late, I need to get to bed, as it seems I need to get up at 5:00 tomorrow morning for work, as they’ve decided to open the restaurant in the hotel extra early. This lack of logic undermines even my own, so I cannot comprehend it. Though I do normally turn up late and they never seem bothered about it. So maybe I should try it again tomorrow morning.
And remember if at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
